#falloftom

In October I moved into a new house. This crazy 5 bedroom up in Vienna Woods that backs up to Nisene Marks, a few miles from the beach. Three of the bedrooms are for my kids and I, the fourth is an office and the fifth still TBD - probably rented out to a local college student to compensate the high rent. 

One of the main draws of the property is this amazing Maple tree in the backyard. I'm told it was planted years ago as a small bonsai in a planter box, yet with its 30 foot diameter it looks as through Mother Nature herself came down and blessed it with her green thumb. The root-bound base looks as though cherubs are circling the trunk and the branches are strong and sculptural, perfect for climbing. It is a Giving Tree and a point of conversation for friends who visit.

As the temperature cools and growth slows this beautiful Maple is now shedding it's rust and golden leaves, purging the protection of its beautiful canopy and taking inventory of new growth over the last year. I'm reminded this Autumn transformation is arguably the most significant shift of the seasons.

Throughout the last three months it seems I too am subject to this reset of life experience. I've had to let go; of a familiar work schedule, some close friends, a few trusted values, as well as a future vision which was looking more and more like Groundhog Day. It's been an incredibly uncomfortable and introspective time, yet that's where deep growth comes from. In exchange I have a renewed appreciation for the freedom and opportunity we have to make a positive impact throughout our daily lives. There have been incredible epiphanies surrounding what serves me and how we should slow down and share our gifts with the lives we touch, and be present for the people and work that feed our heart and soul. 

For those of us who continue to find yourselves resisting all the change this season and judging the world around us, I would urge you to trust yourself as an example and don't settle for less than you are capable of creating. Life is too short and unpredictable to plan on keeping that beautiful bonsai contained within the planter box.

Be like water

...and so he asked,
    "What kind of water do you want to be?"

The gentle rain in the Spring
    washing off the Winter and nourishing the trees,
The fluid motion of the stream
    connecting the mountains to the sea, 
Or the vast deep ocean
    holding the secrets of the tides and all the change that will ever be.
 

Loose Ends

The loose ends were all tied up
In dreams I could not see
In words I would never write
In feelings I spent my life trying to forget.

Open up your heart and look inside
For the answers you search
Will not be found
Floating around the Forest or the Sea.
 

Writing brings meaning alive.

It puts our words into action and screams to the universe that I am willing to make this real—giving a thought life and legs so it can walk on its own and pursue its deepest existence.

The mind is overflowing with questions of this human condition and the mysterious interconnectedness we all share. Putting words to paper is more powerful than saying them aloud. It releases your purest intent to find an answer to the question you didn't know to ask.

Through this most ancient cathartic ritual we can touch people we didn't know were listening, we can rediscover ourselves over and over again by exposing our raw tangled soul at its most sensitive level, and we grow stronger.

To be Creative is to bring yourself to life.

True creativity is an investment into the moment, and how much we are willing to put forth to bring our ideas and dreams to life. 

Every minute of every moment of everyday we are creating our existence. From our simple emails to our purest art, a gentle embrace to the deepest most passionate kiss. It's the willingness and intent to inspire anything into reality through our unique gifts and perspective.

The first moment I can recall being inspired to create was in 1979. I was always envious of those who could draw realistically, yet never thought I had the talent to measure up... so I didn't. I didn't try, or invest or be present in the creative projects in class. I left that to the "talented." Until that day in forth grade when the new lunch menu came out. Bright canary yellow, all the days of the month mapped out with their respective meals. Hamburger Wednesday, Pizza Friday, and then in the right margin was this tall illustration of a Cowboy.

Who knows why, maybe it was because it was Fall and we were practicing Square Dancing. Anyway, somehow, for some reason that Cowboy on the yellow paper struck me, so I drew it, without thinking, without tracing, and without questioning my "talent". Very simply. It was my first conscious experience of embracing a moment of this world that I was attracted to, taking it up through my senses, and then reproducing my version, my vision of that instance.

It is forever imprinted as a turning point and I wouldn't be who I am today if that seemingly simple trivial moment had not occurred.

That cowboy, our art, your dreams are the purest forms of this existence waiting to unfold through our interpretation of them, and we can bring it all to life if we just invest and truly believe in what we put out there.
 

The Ocean and the Forest

Once there was a majestic Forest covering acres of land all the way to the beautiful Ocean. The Ocean and the Forest had grown up together, next to one another for as long as they could remember, but I think the Ocean was a little older.

Year after year they watched intently, admiring each others beauty and strength. The Forest with his cool breeze and deep roots, standing so tall and strong. Protecting the many plants and animals making their homes within his shade. And the Ocean with her beautiful blue waves and constant energy, bringing sustenance and life to all those within her.

Yet as time went by the Forest wanted more.
He asked the Ocean, "Ocean, can you be with me like a tree? Can you come up on land? I want you to be like me."

"We cannot be the same." Said the Ocean, "We are different. I do not have roots or branches, or stand tall in the wind. I am made of water and sand and home to all the fish in the sea. If I was to be you then who would be me?"

The Forest was upset, and the Ocean went quiet for a long time. Until one of the smallest trees whispered into the wind, "Are we not already one and the same?"

"There is rain for us to drink and the air for fish to breath,
Nests for all the ocean birds as they settle down in the trees,
Rocks and sand to feed our roots and driftwood for the sea,
Each of us are part of this bigger picture if you ask me."

The Ocean and the Forest realized that their worlds were larger than each of them combined and both were an important part of it. This was to be their divine dance of life, each sharing their gifts with one another to create a world greater then themselves.

A Perfect Mess

Since I was young perfectionism is something I struggle with. I latch on to preconceptions of an ideal outcome and if reality doesn't match I consider it a loss; a miss-step on my part and punish myself by repeating the incident over and over in my head. 

This neurotic idealism paired with an overly sensitive disposition smolders for long periods of time, collecting kindling with each disappointment. I stir the logs and stoke the fire, poking at the coals to remember each and every episode—how they originally made me feel, yet hotter now. Overwhelmingly hot.

An explosion happens, WHAM!!! A complete release of normality, self-control, and utter surrender to the messiness of life.

This part is the mess—a chaotic release and acceptance of life in its brilliant imperfection. At this point there is nothing left to do except be. It's an astounding creative, cathartic process. I have given up that radiant fire of self-doubt and find myself at peace sitting in the ashes.

Dear Former Self,

Stop it now. Stop the hesitation, stop the second guessing and by all means stop the circular thinking that will tangle your dreams. There is no right or wrong way to grow through this. It is merely a path in the sand, and you know how to handle that—simply barefoot. Seriously my former self, you will not have one regret where things fall so apart you cannot recover, and you will learn a hell of a lot through the process. I beg you, take leaps of faith to know exactly who you are and how your story unfolds.

Sometimes I may not recognize you. The melancholia does not work, nor serve your story. Push your creativity and expand your heart beyond their comfort. If your not happy with the progress then do it again, and again. I promise the fifth attempt is going to feel better than the first. We need to break-through and the only way that is going to happen is to do the work.

Get out there, you know exactly how you want to live. You've written it down a million times, a thousand ways, through a hundred lives. The vision is solid and why not you, your path? It would be a disservice to yourself and creation not to act on such passionate intention—to deliberately give up in the face of fear. You asked for this, remember? Well, get out there and live the life that is your creation, the most beautiful magnificent life you could dare to write.

Sincerely,
me

#summeroftom

Back in June I dropped out of high-tech corporate culture to pursue an alternate reality I felt more connected with, cleverly coined by those closest to me as #summeroftom. After 16 years of employment I gave 6 weeks notice, which felt like the absolutely longest break-up ever. Each week dragging out and more anticlimactic than the last. Many coworkers praised me for taking such a leap of faith as it's uncommon for anyone with such a tenure to leave the high-tech arena. Honestly, I have nothing but respect and heart felt thanks for all the people and experiences during those years. In the end that environment just wasn't for me anymore. 

As of Friday, June 3rd #summeroftom was on, full force! A light had been switched and my entire frame of mind and daily routine had been turned on its head. I had bought a motorcycle, got a new dog, and planned to hang out with my kids full-time throughout Summer Break, all while starting up my new business—fricken brilliant plan, right?! 

Okay, maybe it was overly ambitions, but if you don't go you'll never know. 

I got my portfolio together and website up within the first few weeks, but everything was feeling a bit chaotic and the stress of the irregular schedule, watching a new puppy, with an 8 and 11 year old, was seeping through the cracks. I was still operating at the frenetic pace I had become so accustom to and it was not serving me or the environment I was trying to create. Luckily I had pre-planned an escape to the Big Island of Hawaii prior to leaving my job. A much needed visit with some of my oldest friends, where we could talk story, eat and drink into the night, and I could just ground out while planning my next steps of unemployment.

When I returned I was much more centered. That short tropical break had rejuvenated me and shortly thereafter my new business had landed its first job. It would be a heck of a lot of work and take the remainder of the Summer to complete, yet somehow that rhythm of freedom—the ability to CREATE the work I'm most passionate about, PLAY with my beautiful friends and family, and CONNECT in magical places—had sparked something I had been missing. 

Surprisingly that rhythm of freedom continued and seemed to gain momentum. Later that month we were invited camping in Big Sur just before the big fire came. A few weeks later we were off to Lake Tahoe, finding time to work in between. And so the Summer went... An unpredictable, unsettling, mind-blowing adventure where somehow everything didn't fall apart.

I have a tremendous amount of gratitude and appreciation for all the people, moments and job opportunities that came together over the last three months. Now that the kids are back in school, Labor Day is upon us and #summeroftom is coming to a close (and as some might joke, verging on the #falloftom), I have gained a higher respect for letting go and trusting in ourselves to bring our visions to life.

Every thought, every idea, every moment, we create.

Perceptions that become reality,
we create.

Conversations that illuminate,
we create.

An embrace for any reason,
we create.

Love that lights up your smile,
we create.

The home that shelters our family,
we create.

Words of love and hate,
we create.

Things that own our lives,
we create.

Our mind's vicious debate,
we create.

Desire for what we do not say,
we create.

The passion to step forward,
we create.

Image Credit: NASA/Bill Ingalls

EROS—our ultimate balancing act

This Ancient Greek word has been on my mind for sometime and the idea revolves around love and desire. As Plato expresses it, EROS can help the soul to "remember" beauty in its pure form. Freud thought of EROS as our life force, the will to live. Jung's concept of EROS is ultimately the desire for wholeness, and while initially taking on the form of passionate love, it is more truly a desire for "psychic relatedness".

I think of EROS as our ultimate balancing act between love and desire—to search for what we love, love what we find, and share it with the world. So for those of you who I am most fortunate to cross paths with on this magnificently chaotic journey:

We will CREATE; art, ideas, images, plans, homes, writing, scribble, LIFE. 
We will PLAY; with our magical children, with each other, and see all our potential arise.
We will CONNECT and share that divine energy that draws us closer together from our most passionate level.

We all deserve to be set free from our self imposed constraints and discover the EROS in our lives.

Leaning into the turn

I was speaking with my good friend the other day about riding motorcycles, and how one needs to continually focus on what's in front of them without getting distracted by what's passing by. Now there are a number of metaphors for this; leaning into the turn or following your line, but the thing that struck me so profoundly is that these two things—the ones we are supposed to focus on, and those we're not to get distracted by—they're often the same.

I love this irony. 

How do we focus on what's ahead of us, around the next turn, our goals and aspirations, the finish line, yet not get distracted with what we're passing by? That's where the crux is! When we are following our line, our path, sometimes the gravel in the road can seem so all-important—as important as the race. We might even slow down, maybe even stop and look at the gravel in the road.

"Did you see the gravel in that turn?"

"Yeah, that was some big gravel!"

Meanwhile we've lost our perspective. The vision and continuity of following our line and leaning into the turn has been trapped by the minutiae of the landscape—hesitation from form over function. I have personally experienced this from time to time, becoming so distracted that each move is calculated and examined—overthinking tactics to the point the goal may never be realized.

I truly believe the best work, the most creative solutions, the inspired path comes from those who acknowledge yet ride through the gravel—looking all the way through the turn in that moment—they will go where their vision takes them. 

This site, my creativity, and new bobber are a testament to that.